So, the other day I found God.

He was in a bottle floating in the ocean.

He jumps out and says "What the hell is all the commotion."

I tell him, "I saved you from your porcelain prison."

"No you didnt", he says.

"Uh huh", I tell him.

"Uh uh", he replies.

"Geez, you would think the Lord of the entire universe would come up with something better than uh uh", I say.

"Like what?", he tells me.

"Hell, I don--...good one.", I say.

"Yeah, I know". He says. He looks down and then goes, "What the fuck, your representation of GOD is a little brown pixie. You know most people see an older man with a long ass beard and white robe."

"Uhh, I thought it would be funny."

"Hmm, your right that is pretty funny AND no one has ever thought I looked like a little brown pixie. You know what you're going to heaven." God says.

"What? No matter what I do? Can I kill a whole bunch of little kids?" I ask.

"Yep, you got a free ride. I'll even send an escort, an archangel. You can come in the side entrance and bypass that super long line."

"That is awesome."

"Yeah, I know."

"Isn't that against the rules."

"I kind of make the rules." He says chuckling.

"True, very true. Isn't it kind of ironic that you said What the hell back there."

"If you look around there is a lot irony around here."

"Point for you. Your one sick bastard."

"Yeah, I know."

"Is that your favorite saying, because its starting to annoy me greatly." I snicker.

"Your one sarcastic bastard, you know that." He says.

"Yep, you made me this way though right."

"Yeah, yeah I did, I was like WTF and just did it."

"I like the way you just said WTF instead of what the fuck."

"Yeah Im just cool like that."
"Wait, wait. Did you just buff your nails on your cloak?" I laugh.

"Yep, sure did."

"HAHA, thats great. You know, youre a lot cooler than I imagined you to be."

God sighs. "Yeah, I blame it on the church, fucking bastards, Jesus Christ."

"Oh my god. You just said Jesus Christ as a curse, thats the greatest thing ever." I say.

"Haha, ya that is pretty messed up isn't it.". God snickers.

"Hell yeah it is. So, God, Why is your name God anyway?" I ask him.

"Ummm, because its Dog backwards....hmmm it was funny at the time...it was, really....hey, shut up you fucker." God tells me.

"God, you are fucking awesome." I say.

"I totally already know that." God says.

"Well, its been great chatting with you, but I am gonna run along now." I say.

"Yeah, take it easy, see you in heaven." God tells me.

So that was my encounter with God. And you know what, I can now walk around everyday knowing without a doubt, no matter what I do, I am going to heaven and that God is one badass son of a bitch. I get to go in passing the long ass line and getting an escort through the back way. If you want to call God a liar then go for it. All I have to say is Happy Trails my friend, Happy FUCKING trails.